Faux Pas

I had half a day at work and ran out of the door at 12.45pm with the dream of beaches, coconuts, salty hair and sun kissed skin at arms reach of becoming reality. I made it to the airport just in time for a few glasses of champagne and to read up on the best bars in Rio to get us started when I arrived. 

The pre flight nerves starting kicking in, but the champagne helped. I am the worst flier ever and need to hold someone's hand on takeoff, which can get awkward when I'm travelling on my own. Lucky stranger. I went to see which gate to meander too and low and behold, my flight was delayed. Of course it was. Why wouldn't it be when I only have an hour between connecting flights. Just superb! We took off over an hour late and landed just as my flight to Rio left, meaning I was now stranded in Paris Charles de Gaulle airport for the next 12 hours. Pure joy. I thankfully lucked in and was put up in the Ibis hotel and befriended a lovely Brazilian girl who was in the same boat as me called Ariella. We chatted over a croissant and cup of coffee the next morning where she told me all the best places to visit in Rio and what to do.

I was now finally en route to meet the wench and get the fiesta started! I landed at 5pm and jumped in a taxi to my hostel in Leblon, Lemon Spirit. I walked into my dorm and saw Sarah which induced a lot of girly screaming and excitement. BITCHES REUNITED! She had made my bed because she's a good woman and after dumping my bags we ran straight to the bar to get on the Caiprihanas, catch up and get planning some mischief.

After a very disturbed sleep and being reminded of the joys of hostel life, we decided to go for a wander around the city on Sunday as the weather wasn't great. Well done us deciding to go away in Brazil's winter. Luckily, winter still means 29 degrees average but the clouds can come along and make me a very unhappy chappy. Thankfully, the next few days are set to be wonderful so I can be boastful and tanned at last.

We met a bearded, bronzed American called John the previous evening, who joined us for our stroll. We mastered the bus route and as it drove us ridiculously fast and ran a few red lights, we narrowly missed mowing down all the crazy bastards running the Rio marathon. I had to be very careful not to chunder so I would highly recommend not using the buses in Rio. I didn't think I got motion sickness but I nearly produced my breakfast for the Brazilian man in front of me. 

We survived and firstly headed to Escadaria Selaron which was very colourful. An artist decorated the steps with more than 2000 tiles from all over the world and the result is very cool. He was found dead on the steps a few years later though. Not so cool.

After the steps, we went to the ugliest cathedral ever that looked like something out of Star Trek but not as space age. Inside was beautiful but they could have found a better architect to design the outside. Christ. Literally.

After discussing for far too long how ugly it was, we had enough culture for one day and all concurred that we wanted to drink out of a coconut on the beach. The clouds will not defeat us. We'll show you, winter you bitch. We strolled along Copacobana and onto Ipanema beach where we spotted a drag Amy Winehouse act, who was placed perfectly by a bar that served fresh coconut water. Turns out Amy didn't like us watching him and just swore at us a lot whilst miming the same Winehouse songs over and over again. Very poorly. He also thrusted vigorously which is still giving me nightmares. Amy Winehouse with a bulge is not ideal.

We saw off our coconuts and strolled back to the hostel with achy feet and a GoPro full of snaps. We shared a couple of beers, got some food and caught up with everyone about their days, their travels and their lives. Very much in my happy place right now.